I remember Christmas and Thanksgiving as a kid. They were never particularly great. Dad was always wasted on Jim Beam and Mom on Tanqueray (or Beefeater) & tonics. The place reeked of smoke from Dad’s Camels, Mom’s Virginia Slims and the grass my two uncles (Uncle Jimmy from Mom’s side and Uncle Joe from Dad’s) always brought with them. The two uncles would get drunk, too, with their dates. Usually on Dad’s Jim if they didn’t bring a bottle of Cuervo gold. They were only a dozen or so years older than me, though they seemed like men of the world when I was really young (before I caught on to the fact that they were a couple of young punks).
The food wasn’t bad. It was all precooked stuff. Mom would pick up a roasted turkey from the Winn Dixie deli and would usually order a HoneyBaked Ham. There would be pumpkin and pecan pies from one bakery or another. And lots of canned vegetables. I’d always be full on the holidays, no doubt.
There were presents at Christmas, but usually nothing I ever wanted or needed. One year Dad gave me a hammer and a box of nails. Seriously. Mom occasionally made an effort. When I was really young she’d buy clothes — a pair of pants, a sweater, some Spiderman pajamas, or some such. I always told her beforehand that I wanted toys, though the PJs were cool. Once, when I was a teenager and really wanted some brandname clothes to fit in at school, she actually gave me some He-Man figurines. She was drunk every day by that point, so it was no surprise that she didn’t realize I had outgrown that sort of thing.
My uncles could have been cool with the presents, but they were always too stoned or too drunk. I don’t remember them ever giving me anything. Sometimes they’d even get into a fight. One Christmas they got into it on the back porch. Jimmy flipped Joe over the railing. That caused Dad to fly into a drunken fit. Jimmy flipped him over the railing, too. Dad walked away uninjured, but Joe had some bruised ribs. Of course, they all shot some Jim afterwards and were good buddies again.
No, I don’t miss any of that. They can all go fuck themselves for all I care. I really miss my friends though. We were tight. Five of us. Once everyone was too drunk or too stoned to notice (usually by mid-afternoon), I’d climb out through my bedroom window and meet my friends. My parents generally didn’t care where I went or what I did, but on Thanksgiving and Christmas I was expected to stay home and be with the family. I suppose it was one way for them to keep up the pretense that we actually were a family.
So I’d wind up spending a couple of hours playing ball or something, until my friends all had to go home for dinner or head off to their grandparents’ houses. Those precious hours actually seemed to go by slowly. Things we enjoy usually fly right by before we realize it, but I remember feeling like each hour was a whole day. They were great. But once the friends were gone, it was back home for me.
Dad was usually passed out by the time I’d get back. Mom would be flirting with Joe. They thought I was too young to notice. I don’t remember when I did first pick up on it, but I recall it happening everytime Dad was out of the house or passed out. I’m sure they knocked boots, but they were discreet about that at least. Jimmy would usually be off in a bedroom with his girlfriend. Sometimes with Joe’s girlfriend, too, if she hadn’t been sent home by then.
I saw them once. It was Thanksgiving and Joe was dating this really hot brunette. I was a teenager then, so, yeah, I knew about hotness. Jimmy had a blonde with him. She was pretty, too, nice and tanned. But the brunette was just on fire. Dad was passed out on the sofa, Mom was on the back porch with Joe. I was coming back from meeting my friends. To climb into my window, I had to go past the window to my parents’ room. As I went by, I glanced in and froze. Jimmy was in the middle of it with the blonde and the brunette. That was the first time I had ever witnessed any action outside of a porn video.
I told myself to keep going, but isn’t it every teenage boy’s fantasy to see that sort of thing (next to actually getting that sort of thing)? I’ll never forget seeing those two girls kiss. I don’t know how long I watched, but eventually Jimmy looked up and saw me. Before I scrambled away, I saw him grinning. He came to me later and said he could hook me up if I ever wanted to learn about sex. He said he knew a few girls who would love the idea of showing me the ropes. I was too scared to ever take him up on it, if he was even serious. He died a couple of years later. Shot himself in the mouth.
Yeah, they’re all dead now. Mom, Dad, Jimmy and Joe. They were the only family I ever knew. Jimmy was the first to go, three days before Thanksgiving. Then Dad crashed his truck into a Monte Carlo almost a year to the day later. Four teenagers in the Monte were on their way to a party. Dad was drunk. He ran a red light and slammed into them. He flew through the windshield and died the next day. The teenagers lived, thankfully. After the accident, Mom and Joe spent a lot of time together. Then on Christmas Eve the following year Joe convinced Mom to do some coke. To my knowledge, she’d never done it before. I found them dead the next day, lying naked on the living room floor in a puddle of vomit, piss and shit.
And no, Jimmy and Joe were not their real names.